STEVE POWER: Stuff your goose and stick with turkey!

Mo Farrah after missing out on a gold medal
				 Picture: Adam Davy

VERITY LUSH: Leave me to browse the make-up counter in peace

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I can’t see that happening in reality and here’s why.

Geese are said to be really good security guards because of the commotion they make if you approach them, plus their vicious pecking.

So given that they’ve got their own warning alarm system and they’re good in a scrap, if you care about the health of our farmers, stick with turkey.

o Are any other adults thinking about buying chocolate coins for Christmas this year as an investment, because they think they might be worth more than the pound will be by this time next year?

o In a Nativity play shouldn’t the brainiest kids in the school always be picked to play the Three Wise Men?

And surely the kids who blindly follow other kids in class should be playing the sheep? Just saying…

o Can you imagine how cramped all your kitchen cupboards would be if you packed all your food in the same way that the people at Christmas hamper firms pack them?

You’d need a kitchen about four times the size wouldn’t you? Also all that straw would really get on your nerves!

o Scientists have come up with the formula for the perfect Christmas dinner, they’ve worked out the exact portion sizes to leave you satisfied rather than stuffed.

For the perfect festive plate, they say you should load up with 150g of turkey, 110g of chestnut stuffing, 100g of gravy, 15g of cranberry sauce, one chipolata, 80g of roast potatoes, 155g of sprouts, 160g of carrots, and 150g of red cabbage. Just one question, who in their right minds would dole out everything on a Christmas dinner plate according to its weight? If someone asks me how many roast spuds I want, I say ′five at least’, I don’t say ‘80g please’. For your information scientists, the perfect Christmas dinner is one that makes you loosen your belt buckle after just four mouthfuls, alright?

Happy Christmas!