Steve Power: Which seat is top of the tots?

Steve reckons that baby seat examination could be an infant career path. Next stop, nappy testing.
Steve reckons that baby seat examination could be an infant career path. Next stop, nappy testing.
Alice Cooper rediscovered a multimillion pound Andy Warhol print hed bought in the 1960s    (Picture by Martin Cox)

Be careful Mr Compton, you may end up as a key fob

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My mate’s expecting a baby, so he’s getting the stuff he’s going to need once it’s born.

He went to buy one of those baby seats that you put babies in for car journeys, but he didn’t know which one to buy.

Have you experienced the annoying pretend fast walk that’s actually slow?

So he read the entire blurb for the different models and he found one that said ‘award-winning’. An award-winning baby seat!

He decided to buy that one, but then I said to him: ‘Who decided that this baby car seat was award-winning?’ Because, surely the only person qualified to do that is the baby that tries them all out?

So, what did they do? Did they put a toddler in all the different baby seats to see which one it fell asleep in the quickest? I’d love to know.

n Have you experienced the annoying pretend fast walk that’s actually slow?

In my experience, there are only two places you’ll ever see it.

Most commonly it’s when you’re driving and a pedestrian crosses the road in front of you, and they try to increase their speed but they’re too unfit.

But I’ve just discovered another one. It’s the one you experience in the cinema when someone walks past the big screen while the movie’s on.

They try to move faster, but they’re also crouching at the same time to try and not be in front of the screen so much. That crouch actually makes them go slower and it looks as if they’re trying to creep up on someone.

n If you’ve had a hard or a difficult day and need a bit of a chuckle at the end of it, I guarantee this will work.

Switch on your TV, go to the CBeebies Channel and watch the new episodes of The Clangers.

But don’t just watch it normally.

Turn on the subtitles on your TV, because I swear they actually write subtitles for all the noises that The Clangers make – and for the Soup Dragon too.

It’s just hilarious, quite honestly.