Tassels at my funeral please

MP must do more than ‘meet the minister’

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Well darlings, when you finally hang up your earth boots have you any final wishes?

According to the National Association of Funeral Directors, the deceased are having ever more bizarre items buried with them.

Known as ‘grave goods’, items have included tea bags, cigarettes, Champagne and yogurt pots.

Others have themed funerals such as Wild West or Morris dancers.

My dad’s (ballroom dance teacher) funeral was lively, with his dance pupils quickstepping down the chapel aisle.

I’ve ordered Ma’s glass coach and plumed horses.

Nah folks, she’s still alive and kicking at the nursing home. Dib dib dib...just being prepared.

You can go online to My Funeral Wishes. Me?I’m thinking tassel-twirling burlesque dancers and a salsa band to send me on my highway to Heaven.