It’s little wonder we’re destined to be a country of sporting failures. All you have to do is take a look at the sports day at your local school.
Races where everyone’s a winner, kids growing up without the fear of failure. What a load of old rubbish.
Brilliant, amazing, congratulations for coming last! Have a medal.
Surely the feeling of losing would spur kids on to want to achieve?
No-one wants to see their kids get beaten at something, but at the same time gold stars for last place in the egg and spoon...come on.
I’m not suggesting we should throw rotten tomatoes at the kids who come last. Well, maybe that would work, but I can’t see the chair of governors agreeing to it.
I was all right at sports at school, but I didn’t win much.
I remember having to do cross-country on Portsdown Hill in the freezing cold and always being amongst the stragglers at the back.
But it never affected my competitive edge, or will to win.
I regularly crush my kids at Monopoly and there are no IOUs if they land on Mayfair when I’ve got a nice shiny hotel on it.
And what’s happened to the mums and dads race? That used to be the highlight of any sports day.
It was all beer bellies and pulled hamstrings – and that was just the mums! High sporting drama at its best.
Then there’s the sack race. It was great fun watching people falling over and face-planting into the ground. No doubt good old Health and Safety put the kibosh on that one.
Instead now you get kids passing bean bags through each other’s legs and then running around to the front.
It’s just the same as the game you used to play at kids’ parties, but this comes without the ice-cream and party bag.
And there are no trophies any more for the winners, because there are no winners.
All the kids end up with are a few house points and a sticker, just like the one you get from the doctor when you’ve had a tooth out.
So next time England are in a penalty shoot-out and the ball ends up in row Z, just blame the education system.