The northern accents made BBC’s The Ark laughable

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Rick Jackson

Yes, it could – The Ark.

Now I’m pretty sure Jesus had long hair and a beard. I’m also pretty sure God has long, flowing white hair and an impressive beard to match.

I’m also pretty sure Noah had long hair and a beard too.

But one thing I know for certain is that he didn’t speak with a Mancunian accent!

The BBC adaptation of the classic story of Noah and the ark was laughable. I just couldn’t take it seriously.

With such gritty northern actors, the incredible story of Noah was lost behind all the ‘ee-by-gum’ and ‘alreet lass’ diction

There was nothing wrong with the setting. Arid land, dusty with little vegetation. The sun blazing down and singeing everything in its path.

What I didn’t expect was for Noah to shout to his son, swimming in a muddy pool to cool off, to ‘get out t’water ya lazy get’.

Noah was played by David Threlfall, a fine actor best-known for playing the UK’s biggest scrounger, loser and low life Frank Gallagher in Channel 4’s Shameless.

His son was played by Nico Mirallegro, who starred in Hollyoaks and also in the tough First World War drama The Village.

With such gritty northern actors, the incredible story of Noah, showing what amazing things can be achieved by an ordinary man, was lost behind all the ‘ee-by-gum’ and ‘alreet lass’ diction.

I can’t say I was too fearful of the wrath of God either, as the flood arrived and a giant (ish) wave took away Noah’s ark, the stern of which resembled a cross-Channel car ferry.

The flood then seemed to be over very quickly, as Noah appeared on top of a hill looking over land that had returned to its previously arid state.

Sadly, my sides just burst when God’s Angel returned.

You see, that angel had a familiar face. Yes, it was none other than Ashley Walters from the Noughties band So Solid Crew!

When Noah asked how long until the flood, the angel should have replied: ‘21 seconds to go’.

Come back Jeremy Clarkson, all is forgiven.