The security light came on and caught me in mid scoop

Clive Smith says he would not like to arm wrestle athlete Caster Semenya 		Picture: Martin Rickett/PA Wire

CLIVE SMITH: English pigs? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you

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Last week’s impressive gales ate into our wedding budget as our back garden fence ended up in Portchester!

I bet it’s a great time to be a fencer right now. I heard some were saying up to three weeks to get repairs done – because they’re so busy and it’s hard to get the materials.

As our neighbours’ fences were down too, our dogs Harvey and Ruby were enjoying extra places to explore. But I had enough one night when I had to pick up one of Harvey’s ‘messages’ in another garden, only for the security light to come on while the owners were in the kitchen washing up.

Thankfully, all the panels have now been replaced and the dogs are back using their usual toilet!