They would soon apologise

Stephen Morgan MP

Portsmouth South MP Stephen Morgan: Hectic start, but election is just the beginning

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According to new research, banning your children from going online is the new version of grounding them.

I sometimes think that’s a bit harsh, so I would suggest tempering the punishment a bit like this.

Allow them to use Instagram, but tell them they can only put up pictures of themselves either looking miserable or stood next to a Z-list celebrity.

Allow them to go on YouTube, but only let them search for videos of old Open University lectures from the 1970s.

Don’t allow them to go on Facebook, but make them browse old MySpace sites. They’ll soon apologise!

Do you ever think the presenters of Top Gear are just being controversial because they know that self-drive cars are almost here now, which means they’ll be out of a job anyway?

Or do you suppose that people have actually invented self-drive cars because they hate Jeremy Clarkson so much?

This has got to be one of my favourite marriage proposals ever.

A German bloke, Christian Breier, deliberately drove over the speed limit past a camera mounted near his home on the outskirts of Leipzig, while holding a large home-made sign in the windscreen which read: ‘Willst du mich heiraten?’ (Will you marry me?)

Now in Germany the police routinely send a photograph of the driver together with a speeding notice, to prove who was at the wheel at the time of the offence.

So when Mr Breier’s girlfriend opened the post, she found a photo of him holding up the marriage proposal.

I can’t help thinking it might be a good idea for men to try this when they’re on a theme park ride and get their pictures taken by the automatic cameras as they go through the really scary bit.

Their faces will look exactly the same as when they see the bill for the wedding!

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