I’m no DIY doyenne dear. Paintbrushes tear their bristles out and emulsion tins clamp their lids firmly shut at the sight of me in my decorating dungarees.
For years I’ve got away with the bare minimum of titivation to my bijou bedsit ’n bog.
But the time had come for a complete paint job top to bottom.
So I joined the ranks of the bank holiday DIYers and toddled off to get decorating paraphernalia.
The B&Q sales assistant was absolutely brill. Having explained to him I’d never used a paint roller before, he kitted me out with inexpensive rollers and paint trays. Eee, I was so excited.
For the past 30 odd years I’ve been using my French grandpere’s worn-out emulsion brush. All weekend I sploshed pink emulsion over my bathroom walls.
Then on Monday morning my wrists wouldn’t work. Daft bat had overdone it and now I’ve got tendonitis.
Heyho, with wrists up I took a trip down memory lane with ITV’s Beware Britain.
Folks, do you remember ‘coughs and sneezes spread diseases’, ‘clunk, click every trip’, The Tufty Club and the Green Cross Man?
They were all dreamed up by the government’s Central Office of Information (COI) from 1946 to 2011, raising public awareness of health and safety issues.
Presenter Adrian Edmondson showed us a selection of COI films, some humorous, many graphic and the odd one gruesome.
The concept behind these films was to get the message across, be it health, safety or education, by either getting the general public to laugh or scaring the pants off them. Very interesting.
If you missed it, catch up at itv.com/itvplayer.
All I’m going to say is that, on Tuesday, I was walking along Palmerston Road’s new (shared with buses and taxis) pedestrian precinct in Southsea.
There were cars doing U-turns, pedestrians walking in front of buses and cyclists adding to the general confusion. Watch this space for updates.