W hy do the buffet car managers on trains always announce over the Tannoy: ‘We have a large selection of drinks and snacks available today.’
I’d like to dispute this, as it’s simply not true. At most, they have three different chocolate bars, two different types of sandwiches (that’s if they’re available) and five kinds of hot and cold drinks.
A ‘large selection’ is what you’d find in a supermarket or a café – it isn’t physically possible to find a ‘large selection’ in a small train’s buffet carriage. Surely the laws of physics make this obvious?
So, let’s stop gloating about this not-so-varied selection and please, stop telling us every 10 minutes of the journey.
n I have a quick story for you about my mate’s wife who is about four months pregnant. She went to a well-known high street clothes shop to check if they sold any maternity wear. She asked the shop assistant who went on to tell her that unfortunately they don’t, as maternity clothes are only available to order from the website.
So my mate’s wife sighed and turned to leave. ‘However,’ the sales assistant continued, luring her back. ‘We do have a range of baby wear in-store... ’ She went on to persuade her to buy clothes for a baby that isn’t going to be born for five months. They don’t even know what sex it’s going to be.
n A group of burger van vendors have launched legal action to overturn a ban on vans operating at school gates, complaining that it has infringed their customers’ human rights. I think burger vans outside schools perform a vital public service. Thanks to them, we know to avoid fast-food vans outside nightclubs at 3am when we’re drunk adults.
We should actually applaud these vans and thank them for the life lesson.