We just want to zoom around the house with that snazzy Dyson

KIERAN HOWARD: Thanks very much for the hand, foot and mouth disease Louie

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Do you ever get the feeling that the reason vacuum cleaners look so snazzy these days is just a ruse to make men more interested in using them?

Think about it, modern vacuums have loads of really futuristic-looking attachments and you can see the parts moving inside.

These days they’re called things like ‘Dyson’.’ A Dyson sounds more like a brand of sports car.

It just makes a man want to try it out. All we need now is for them to rename the washing up sponge ‘The Gunkerama 423 XS’ and men will be doing the dishes every night.

n I’m thinking of starting a new competition. I want to see if we can find the oldest bottle of water that people are still keeping in the side door of their car.

Because, even though it’s cheap, people just refuse to throw away the water bottles in the door of their cars, no matter how old they are.

They always seem to think they’re going to end up in some sort of emergency where there won’t be some sort of fresh or bottled water available nearby.

Either that or they’re just too lazy to get rid of it.

n Kanye West says he has made having a family ‘super cool’. Could I just suggest something to Mr West?

If you have a very young family and you think you look super cool, you’re not doing it right.

In case you didn’t know Kanye, the look for young parents is a combination of stressed and knackered!

n Do you find it ironic that many high street stores will now charge you 5p for a carrier bag to show that they are being environmentally-conscious while at the same time churning out vouchers, coupons and receipts equivalent to half a tree?