We need space to have a tinkle

Jabba the Hutts palace on the inhospitable Tatooine

RICK JACKSON: Orange skies, pungent pongs and trumpets from heaven – what a world!

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On entering the ladies’ loos at Asda in Fratton last Sunday, I was delighted to discover they’ve had a bit of a spruce-up.

The eerie ultraviolet lighting has been replaced with a bright strip light and there are sparkling clean new wash basins and a full length mirror.

But the toilet cubicles are jammed full. On both sides of the loo are large disposal bins to the height of the toilet seat.

So wider beams like mine have bottie overspill and rest on the bin lids. Lovely !

There’s also an enormous cylindrical toilet roll dispenser, about 18 inches in diameter, on the wall.

It’s just the wrong height, so you have little wriggle room in which to hoik up your pants without bashing your right arm.

I asked a few female shoppers what they thought of Asda’s new loos and they agreed they were cramped.

As one lady said wearily: ‘Obviously designed by a man.’

Yes, that’s right fellas. It’s okay for you. If you need a tinkle, all you have to do is point ‘percy’ at the porcelain. Job done.

But many women have shopping bags, or the odd toddler or two to juggle.

We need room when we have to go and spend a penny. Better to have three loos with one bin than four so cramped, that’s what I say.

Next time you have a ladies’ lavatory refit, get some female input first.

Now from bogs to bulging bridesmaids.

A diet drinks company’s survey has come up with the earth-shattering revelation that a third of brides would choose an overwieght bridesmaid to make them appear slimmer as they walk down the aisle.

Eee fancy that, I would never have guessed. Another survey that states the bleedin’ obvious!

And finally...

Have you noticed recently how some people keep commenting ‘ah bless’, even when you’re having a conversation about general issues?

In many cases it makes no sense at all. Why do they say it?

Ah bless, it drives me bonkers!