We're off on a Valentine's cruise - and we're taking the kids

They’re coming with us too! Well, this is going to be a very interesting weekend indeed. Fingers crossed the ferry times fit into their routines.

The ferry company has provided two travel cots for our cabin, which also has a DVD player. So with plenty of Peppa Pig and Mr Tumble on hand, we should be fine.

During the winter months, Brittany Ferries’ flagship Pont Aven comes to Portsmouth and runs the perfect weekend itinerary.

She sails from Portsmouth on the Friday evening, arriving in St Malo the following morning. She then spends the day in port, not sailing back to Portsmouth until that evening.

During the summer months, the regular vessel on this route, Bretagne, returns to the UK that morning.

But during the winter, this gives the perfect opportunity to spend the day exploring this fabulous region of France.

The ship herself is something special. Designed specifically for the longer Spanish routes, she boasts a swimming pool and balcony cabins and a style of service to rival a cruise liner.

We always head straight for the La Flora waiter service restaurant, with the buffet starter.

You can tell which passengers are British and which are French.

You may see a couple of langoustine and some bread on the plate of a Frenchman. Brits’ plates are piled so high with food, the tips are shrouded in cloud!

After dinner, I host an evening of entertainment on the way out and back.

I’m especially looking forward to our special round of Mr & Mrs.

Meanwhile my Mrs will be tucked up in bed with the kids.

Once in France, we will make for the incredible Mont Saint Michel and then spend our afternoon in the fabulous walled town area of St Malo before returning to our ship.

It’s a great opportunity to spend some time with my listeners and eat lots of good food. I just hope our children enjoy the experience as much as we do.

IT’S TIME TO TARGET THOSE LAZY OWNERS WHO DON’T PICK UP

I applaud Lincolnshire County Council for getting tough with people who don’t clear up after their dogs.

They have reinstated dog wardens and if you’re unable to show a poop bag when walking your pet, you’re fined £100.

They don’t even wait to catch you not doing the act. If you have no bag, you’re unable to pick up if your dog goes. No excuses. Even if you’ve used the last one previously.

Come on Gosport Borough Council. Our streets are littered with dangerous dog faeces.

You have my and many others’ full support to introduce this and target those lazy, disgusting people who don’t pick up after their animals.

It’s now getting out of hand.

I’M MUPPET OF THE WEEK FOR POURING WATER ON THE SCREEN

Muppet of the Week is not President Trump. It’s not ‘Sir’ David Beckham either.

No, it’s me.

On Monday morning at 5am, my car was covered in frost.

In a hurry, I decided to pour a large jug of cold tap water over the windscreen rather than wait for the car to warm up, or hunt through the garage for the de-icer.

Yes, I admit I was unprepared.

I was also unprepared for what happened as I poured the water over the screen.

I forgot that I had the windscreen wipers set on automatic.

As soon as water touched the sensor, the wiper swept the large amount of water back up the screen and all over me.

What a muppet!