Weetabix? It was grim back then and it’s still grim now

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The latest disappointing sales figures for Weetabix come as no surprise to me. Not that I’m an avid follower of the cereal markets, or indeed any company’s stocks and shares.

It was an article in the national press that just happened to catch my eye – and I was curious as to the reason why we aren’t buying this family favourite any more.

It’s what we ate in the 1970s because we didn’t know better

It seems that, as a nation, we have less time for breakfast and prefer to grab something on the go. Thus the traditional bowl is done away with.

Another reason for poor sales is seemingly the proliferation of home-grown versions produced by supermarkets.

Me? I think the most obvious reason was glossed over, didn’t even get a mention. And it’s this...Weetabix is horrible.

It’s what we ate in the 1970s because we didn’t know better. No child knew that there was a world of flavour out there waiting to be discovered and that we could actually have sugary cereals.

Coloured cereals and ones with flavour were odd, mystical and a little crass, the territory of the Americans.

Seriously though, who can just eat a bowl of Weetabix without having to perform some intricate surgery upon it? Like temperature change, or addition of adornment, anything to make it more palatable.

It’s like plastic surgery for cereal. No, forget that, it’s cardboard surgery.

Because that’s what Weetabix – and indeed other cereals – tastes like.

I really have no idea why we’re still sticking them down our gullets because obviously no-one actually likes them.

The one thing that Weetabix does hold a record for is longevity.

It is massively successful at squatting in the back of the cupboard, mournfully waiting for someone, anyone (even the dog turns up his nose if a packet should fall to the floor) to notice it, open it and eat it.

I have thrown out far too many boxes of Weetabix over the years, having always forgotten when I buy it that it’s grim stuff.

It was grim back then and it’s still grim now.

And that, my friends, is the real reason why no-one buys the stuff any more.