Where’s the white stuff then? I want it to be our turn next

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All this talk of snow and I haven’t seen a single speck. In all honesty, I’m rather miffed off about it.

I keep reading in the papers and hearing on the radio that Britain is in the grip of a ‘deep freeze’.

Yes, I’m aware that it’s blimmin’ cold – I don’t have any heating in my car – but where’s the white stuff?

You know, the kind of wintry blanket that gives you a reason to crawl under the duvet, watch back-to-back movies, eat lots of bad food and just hibernate.

I need justification for doing all of the above and yet I don’t have it.

Here in Portsmouth snow is still a stranger, although I hear Clanfield and Catherington had a good dusting last weekend.

Lucky devils! Come on weather, it’s our turn next.