Why are men unable to buy work clothes on their own?

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Why is it that men are so incapable of buying work clothes on their own?

Yes, I know there’ll be the odd one or two of you out there who can manage quite perfectly. But there are also a huge proportion who simply turn to jelly when it comes to manning up and buying a pair of trousers, some ties or even work shirts.

I’m sure you’re all very capable in your work environment, but there’s something in men’s genes which makes it so tricky to buy clothes in which to do said work.

It makes me chuckle in a knowingly ironic way when I watch the men’s changing rooms.

That makes me sound a bit pervy, but let me be clear: I don’t choose to hang out around the curtain of despair.

It’s because I’m dragged there kicking and screaming by the man in my life once or twice a year to fulfil the marriage vow: for better (the dark grey trousers) or worse (no, that pink tie does not go with that shirt).

For all the male species caricaturing us women (‘does my bum look big in this?’ is a question that I have never asked), men are just as bad, fussing and turning and seeking approval on the width of the blue stripes on the shirt.

Believe you me, as long as the width of the stripe is between 1-2 mm, we don’t care. Go wider and you’re in big trouble – but you wouldn’t dare would you? Because you have your woman there to advise.

Women are united outside changing rooms. We have a code. When you step out looking for approval, four pairs of women’s eyes flick between each other, and in a nano-second we all know if you’re going to buy whatever it is.

Forget the judges on Strictly, we’re much harsher – and we do it with a subtlety that you can only dream of.

The raising of an eyebrow, the tilt of an upper lip, a flare of a nostril. It’s all said between us in the quarter-of-a-second before you open your mouth.

We’ve all agreed, just like that, whether what you’re wearing makes the cut. And then we publicly punish you for making us go shopping with you. Had you realised?

Yep, we’ll ask you if you can sit down in those trousers without them splitting.