Why would I ask what they do at their friends’ houses?

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I’ve heard a theory that, when it comes to computer games, you should start your children on aliens, progress to zombies and only then pull out the big guns to take human life.

Create a gradual build-up to what is essentially multiple murder – however you choose to dress it up.

We haven’t really gone down the gaming route. My husband plays some Angry Birds now and then and hides away to crush some candy (knowing that if I catch him, I might crush him), but the children have managed to stay away from gaming in the main.

Yes, there’s been the odd running experience, ninja fighting fruit and a hankering towards Minecraft, but nothing like the doom and gloom I hear about in the media.

Are anyone’s children actually that addicted to spending hours glued to a screen? I wonder if I either live in a bubble where it doesn’t happen to me, or anyone I know, or if parents are simply not telling me because either I have perfect children, or they don’t want me to write about their children in this column.

We’ve not entered the realms of Call of Duty or similar What the offspring get up to at friends’ houses is a different matter – and one that I don’t want to know about.

That probably sounds rather irresponsible, but I remember as a teenager heading off to friends’ houses for different fixes.

One set of parents didn’t know when their liquor cabinet had been raided, or pretended not to, while another friend’s mum had no idea how many cigarettes her daughter ‘borrowed’ and shared.

Some friends had hot-ish brothers, others lived next to hot-ish boys, others had full-blown hair salons in their bathrooms. Others rose up the pecking order as they knew where their dad’s naughty magazines were stashed.

Friendship was more than just sharing good and bad times, it had a distinct practical orientation to it as well.

Why would I ask my children what extra perks they get at other houses? Because then I might have to ask what the perks are of coming to our house.

But this attitude does leaves me witless about whether or not they are in fact experts at Clash of Clans or similar.