Why would you need hi-vis vests on a cinema outing?

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Clive Smith

It was to do with children’s clothing. No, they weren’t made to wear Crocs or the same clothes as their sibling (bad enough). It was much worse.

I mean, what were the parents expecting? A high volume of heavy goods vehicles and other traffic going up and down the aisles?

Their parents had actually put them in hi-vis vests! What the heck is that about? I know it’s something that schools do on trips out these days, but why have parents now got in on the act?

It’s not as if they’ve got a class of 30-odd to control, or they’re taking them to a big outdoor public event where there are thousands of people milling about.

We’re talking about a small number of kids at a cinema. Where are they really going to go? Disappear into the ridiculously expensive Pick ‘n’ Mix containers, or fall into the popcorn machine?

There’s the foyer, the toilet and then the actual cinema and that’s it.

I can’t believe the reason was to keep the kids visible in the actual cinema while they watched the film.

I mean, what were the parents expecting? A high volume of heavy goods vehicles and other traffic going up and down the aisles? Come on.

No doubt these poor kids had to watch the other children eating their sweets, popcorn and other goodies, whilst they had the joy of opening a small Tupperware box of freshly-cut vegetables.

Mmm, nothing like a few carrot sticks and cucumber slices whilst watching a good movie.

Unless you’ve got an obese child (which would be your fault anyway), or they have a particular medical condition, I don’t see the problem with kids having a few treats.

I notice the kids of health freaks at the swimming pool, looking longingly at the vending machine.

While all the other kids experience the small pleasure of reaching through the metal flap and grabbing a bag of Skittles, little Johnny has some hummus.

Anyway, I told my 10-year-old I’d get her to wear a hi-vis vest next time we went to the cinema.

‘God dad, it’s so ’90s’ she replied.

But the only thing ’90s about hi-vis clothing was illegal raves and acid house parties. I’m not quite sure how she knows about this…