I’d stand with a shoe on my head shouting at people

Whatever happened to The Swans?

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Dave Johns has been a stand up comic since 1989 and is a regular headlining act playing at major comedy clubs in the UK and comedy festivals world wide.

He is a regular guest on TV comedy panel shows Never Mind The Buzzcocks and 8 Out Of Ten Cats and he starred in the BBC3 sitcom Dogtown.

He has acted on the west end stage with Christian Slater in One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest and in Twelve Angry Men and The Odd Couple with Bill Bailey and Alan Davies in Edinburgh.

He is a regular guest improviser with the Comedy Store Players and he is also a scriptwriter whose credits include the stage adaptation of The Shawshank Redemption.

Dave has also written a radio play about world chess champion Bobby Fischer, entitled Dark Night in Reykjavik, set during Fischer’s missing 24 hours on the eve of the first game of the 1972 world chess championship.

We caught up with the comedian, to find out more.

When did you realise you were funny?

Twenty-one years ago, I walked onto a stage at a tiny comedy club and no one that night knew who I was. Twenty-one years later I walked onto the same stage and still no one knew who I was. It didn’t depress me. I just thought to myself “if I’d been a spy that would have been a remarkable career”. Hey, that’s funny and positive.

What would you be if you weren’t a comedian?

Probably a lunatic standing with a shoe on my head shouting at people in the street about random rubbish like my love life, impressionist painters, glue, dwarfs and travel horse syringes, asking them have they ever noticed stuff. If I didn’t have a microphone in my hand and a paying audience sitting in front of me night after night, that’s exactly what I would be – an unemployable lunatic just shouting at strangers. Do you want to come home and help me bath my mam?

What three things make you laugh?

A juggler, a unicycle and an unguarded threshing machine set on high speed (in that order).

What is your favourite one-liner?

Revlon. Oh, hang on, no. That’s my favourite eye liner.

It has to be The White Star. D’oh, no, that’s my favourite shipping liner.

What’s my favourite panty liner? I don’t think I have one.

Who’s your hero?

Nick Clegg because not many people know this but all Tories suffer from chronic itchy backs and Nick Clegg scratches the Tories’ backs. I’s never enough but he never complains. He just keeps scratching. A Little bit more to the right.. no that’s not it... a little bit more to the right Nick... no just a little bit more to the right.. no a little bit more... on and on.

See Dave headline at Highlight in Gunwharf Quays on Friday, September 2, with David Ward and Roger D. He returns with David and Roger the following night (Saturday, September 3) when Jacques Barrett will be joining them. Tickets cost £11 on the door from 7pm to 8pm or in advance on 0844 844 0044.

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