Southern Co-op's Bereavement Centre marks 20 years of helping nearly 60,000 people to cope with loss

The centre, part of Southern Co-op and its Co-operative Funeralcare funeral homes, celebrates its 20th anniversary today and during that time it has supported almost 60,000 people suffering with grief and loss, plus numerous organisations.

As well as supporting people who are coming to terms with a sudden death or a terminal illness, it also helps people struggling with other losses, whether that’s going through a divorce, coping with redundancy at work or the loss of a pet.

The free service is available for people in Portsmouth and along the south coast, saving long waiting times for mental health services on the NHS.

It means the invaluable service not only helps individuals, but also eases some of the strain on the NHS.

The Bereavement Centre team also works with key workers including carers, doctors, nurses and teachers through training sessions to coach them on the practicalities of dealing with a death and loss of any kind. It particularly helps medical professionals understand how to help grieving families and give the best bedside manner and support to those suffering.

So how did this wonderful service begin?

Ingrid says: ‘I have worked for Southern Co-op for 24 years. I started off as a receptionist and I have worked in the majority of roles in the funeral world.

‘It is my contact with the bereaved that led me on my journey of wanting to offer an aftercare service and emotional welfare for our staff.’

Ingrid sat down and put a plan together and showed it to her boss Steve Pearce, who is now Chief Operating Officer for End of Life Services at Southern Co-op.

Steve gave it the thumbs up, having shared her vision and passion for the idea, and The Bereavement Centre opened on May 15, 2000.

‘I was the only one running it,’ Ingrid says.

‘All those years ago there wasn’t anything on offer to support the bereaved within the funeral industry and especially for the emotional welfare of colleagues.

‘It was quite pioneering. I had to learn things as we went along. I did lots of courses and became a professionally-qualified counsellor and spent years studying bereavement to be a specialist in this field.’

The service has expanded over the years.

‘We started off with one-to-one bereavement support for anyone in the community,’ Ingrid says.

‘It wasn’t just for somebody that had used our funeral services at The Co-operative Funeralcare.

'Anyone could come along and it was free. People were able to explore how they felt without the worry of being able to afford services which were maybe perceived as a luxury at the time.’

In 2001, Ingrid started support groups where people could sit around a table and have the opportunity to talk about how they feel.

Then in 2004, she started a friendship group in Portsmouth, which is still running now with around 35 members. The members socialise together and go out for meals.

‘It was like a three-tier structure,’ Ingrid says.

‘As Southern Co-op grew, my area grew as well. It wasn’t just in Portsmouth, it was right along the southern region.’

Ingrid also started to run workshops on bereavement for care organisations such as nursing homes, schools and colleges.

‘For 11 years I did all of that on my own,’ she adds.

‘It got to a point where I couldn’t do it on my own any more, so in 2011 we recruited a bereavement co-ordinator.

‘Now, I’ve got four team members who help with bereavement support and workshops. ’

The team takes on all aspects of bereavement support and delivers educational sessions working across the south coast.

And Ingrid says things have changed over the years as time has gone on.

‘The structured groups that I started have transitioned over the years. Now we offer digital services through Facebook and Skype too.’

The Bereavement Centre currently offers additional workshops covering subjects such as anxiety and loss, resilience, multicultural, mental health and mindfulness. They can create a workshop to suit the needs of the business as well.

So how does it feel knowing the service has helped thousands of people?

‘It’s just incredible. Especially now with the coronavirus pandemic - we are supporting nursing homes and care in the community,’ Ingrid says.

'We’re giving people virtual help and seeing what we can do to support people emotionally. We are trying our best to support people at this difficult time.

‘Part of Southern Co-op's values is about giving back to the communities in which we serve.

'How better can this be demonstrated than by providing a free bereavement service for 20 years? We believe passionately about giving something back and have quietly done this for all these years.’

Now, on the 20th anniversary, Ingrid is proud of everything that has been achieved in that time.

‘It’s amazing,’ she recalls.

‘I never thought that when I started, we would still be going 20 years later. It’s been a real privilege.

‘I have met some incredible people, some really resilient people. With a couple of the groups we have got people who met that have gone on to get married or move in together.

‘So we see people at their lowest but a couple of years later we find that they have found happiness again. That’s really lovely to see.’

Who can benefit from the service?

The Bereavement Centre team supports people who have been suffering from all sorts of losses, whether it’s their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, young babies or miscarriages.

And it might not just be family - often people are seeking support in grieving for a friend who has died.

‘People are finding themselves in a world that they don’t know any more,’ Ingrid adds.

‘This service tries to help people to make sense of their new world and adapt to a new way. Everybody is so different.

‘They have this mixture of feelings. The way that you cope with life in general will often be the same as how you cope with grief. If you are anxious normally then you will likely be more anxious when somebody dies.

‘People want help with all these aspects of things.

‘It’s so varied as well. It’s not just people who have lost their next of kin. It could be that the person was a really good friend. Some people aren’t always blessed by having a lovely family.

'Maybe this person was their family, just not related by blood.’

The support provided by The Bereavement Centre is needed as much now as when it first started. Although times have changed and the current COVID-19 crisis throws up new challenges for people, it’s all about adapting the service and the way it is delivered to continue to meet the evolving needs of colleagues and local communities.

Ingrid adds: ‘We are hoping to work with other organisations and schools to develop a children and young adults service.

'We are also hoping to expand into the corporate world and help organisations to support their staff when coming back to work, especially with us all living with the coronavirus.

‘We are busier now than ever. The world we live in is so fast-paced that sometimes the bereaved feel that there is a lot of pressure to get over their grief and get on with life.

‘People need time to heal and adapt to a different way of living. Most people will be able to work through grief with family and friends, but for those who can’t or don’t have any family or friends, The Bereavement Centre is here waiting for your call.

‘People have enriched and touched my life over the last 20 years as I hope we have helped them in some way. Here is to the next 20 years - it’s good to talk.’

How many people have been helped

Total number of people supported through The Bereavement Centre in 20 years: 59,219

In our Educational Sessions – 24,960

For Wellbeing – 26,859

At Community Events – 7,400

For FREE help and support please go to www.bereavementcentre.co.uk, email [email protected] or call 08081 691 922.