My fiancé wants me to stop working when we marry | Agony Aunt

Our agony aunt, Fiona Caine, answers your questions.
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who is unsure to give up her job when she gets married. Picture: PA.Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who is unsure to give up her job when she gets married. Picture: PA.
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who is unsure to give up her job when she gets married. Picture: PA.

Question: My fiancé runs a very successful business, and he’s always said his first marriage failed because his wife was so career-driven that they never had time for one another.

We were due to marry later this year but we’ve put it off now until next spring. Meanwhile, we’ve been talking about the future. He wants me to give up work altogether to run our home.

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To be honest, I think I quite like the idea, but another part of me is worried that I’ll turn into a mousy housewife. I don’t know whether to agree with him, or insist I keep working.

Answer: What worries me about your letter is not about whether you should keep working or not, but why you are letting your fiancé dictate your future.

This does not sound like two equal people planning the shape of their relationship – it sounds like a selfish man using emotional blackmail to get his own way.

Before you marry this man, have a good long think about the kind of future you want and if it includes him.

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Question: My husband died unexpectedly three years ago – and it’s been hard as a single parent.

He and I had already decided we ought to move from our two-bedroom house to something a bit bigger. However, since his death, the girls have been adamant that they don’t want change. None of us can move in this little house.

Obviously, I miss my husband too, but I don’t feel he is tied to this house. How do I persuade them that we really have to move?

Answer: One of the things we have to do as parents is to build resilience in our children however, and they need to learn that things can’t always stay the same.

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Take them with you to look at new houses, but make your own decision (within reason) about the house you eventually go for.

If something about a house you are considering freaks them out, you’ll have to think again, but don’t be swayed by any grumpiness.

I suspect it won’t be too long before they’re happily settled in their new home.