Relationship advice from Fiona Caine for a woman who's frightened of scaring off her new boyfriend


Monday, 29th October 2018, 4:00 pm
Updated Monday, 29th October 2018, 5:10 pm
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman whose boyfriend wants to know about her past relationships

Q  I have fallen in love with a fantastic man and I think he may even pop the question soon. The problem is he keeps asking me about my previous relationships which I do not want to talk about.

My last relationship, which ended over two ago, was disastrous, as my boyfriend was a controlling bully who messed with my head. I found out he'd been sleeping around and to pay him back I slept with his brother and best mate.

We posted some malicious things about each other on social media and I had a breakdown. 

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Should I reveal this? 

A His curiosity about your previous relationships is not unusual but, if it is making you uncomfortable, continue to deflect his questions.

Rather than just changing the subject though, explain you have been hurt badly by a failed long-term relationship and you would prefer not to talk about it.

Tell him you're trying to put what happened behind you and ask him for his help.

Q After an extended maternity leave, I have returned to work part-time, leaving my 18-month-old daughter with my mum.

She seems happy enough, she knows her granny well and mum's delighted to do it, but I'm a mess. I have to work or we'll lose our home.

Even though I know she's safe and loved with my mum, I feel so guilty. For most of last week, it was all I could do to not cry at my desk, so I'm failing at my job and I feel I'm failing as a mother too. 

A Would your daughter be any better off if you had lost your home? Would she be any happier if her mother was constantly worried about money? I think not.

You are not a failure, please try not to feel so guilty. 

There is some evidence having two wage-earners in a family can be a positive influence on children. It may be that they see the world as being more secure, knowing that both parents are working and providing for them.

Go to or for information.