I seriously regret having a foolish affair with my neighbour | Agony Aunt

Dear Fiona: For the past three years, I have been having an occasional affair with a man who lives a few doors down.

Tuesday, 23rd November 2021, 3:57 pm
Updated Tuesday, 23rd November 2021, 3:57 pm
Jealous boyfriend spying his girlfriend's phone. Credit: Shutterstock

He lives with his girlfriend, although they don’t get on.

My husband has no idea and I had just about convinced myself to leave him and go off with my lover, but then I saw sense and realised how much I still loved my husband.

I stopped seeing this man and decided to try and make a go of my marriage.

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I thought that was that – until my ex-lover’s girlfriend walked into my house one day and beat me up.

I was so shocked and embarrassed in case my husband should find out, that I did nothing when she left, except clear up and touch up my bruises with make-up.

I’m terrified she will come back now that she knows I’m too frightened to tell anyone. I’m such a fool – how do I get out of this mess?

FIONA SAYS: IS IT TIME TO BE HONEST?

Your former lover’s girlfriend clearly has a temper – which may be why they don’t get on.

Hopefully this was a one-off expression of her anger at being betrayed, but it might not be and she might be out for vengeance, especially if she thinks you won’t retaliate.

If your ex-lover doesn’t know about this incident, I think it might be a good idea to tell him and make it clear that next time you won’t stay quiet.

He may still have some influence over her and hopefully she won’t repeat this behaviour.

Your chances now of involving the police, without a witness or a doctor’s report, are probably very slight, but it might be time for a bit of honesty and openness with your husband.

As your ex-lover and his partner are neighbours, there must be a lot of animosity in the air, so it may just be a matter of time before he finds out anyway. She may even take it upon herself to tell him, so wouldn’t it be better that it should come from you rather than anyone else?

He may well be as angry and upset, as this other woman is, but despite this all-round betrayal, hopefully you will all be able to make amends and get on with your lives.

DEAR FIONA: I LOVE THIS MAN – BUT I’M EMBARASSED OF HIM IN PUBLIC

I accepted an engagement ring from a man who is perfect in many ways and loves me and my adult children, and my grandchildren who have special needs.

He is always there for all of us, and he recently stated that he wants something permanent and wants to be married.

I was speaking with a friend, and she mentioned that she regretted a breakup that she initiated.

She also mentioned that she has never found another man that she is proud to introduce as her partner.

This is my problem as my fiancé is very short – only 5ft 6. I am 5ft 2, and most of my friends are 5ft 10 or better.

He looks about 65 when he is only in his 50s, and I look younger although I’m 61. He is also not very social, to the point that he is socially inept.

I love him very much, but I could possibly attend functions alone because of the social indifference, and he would prefer to stay home with my family.

I feel really bad about the fact I am not proud of him out socially. I had never really thought of this until my friend mentioned this about her past relationship.

I feel like this is my problem that I will have to deal with, but is it fair to marry him when I have these hang-ups? I hope you can give me some insight. I haven’t met anyone else as kind and considerate of me and my family.

FIONA SAYS: ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT PEOPLE JUDGING YOU?

It’s really difficult to see anything wrong with your fiancé, to be honest. He’s a kind, loving man who has embraced not only you but also your family.

OK, he’s not much taller than you and he doesn’t like going out socialising very much – but just because your partner doesn’t like socialising with strangers doesn’t make him socially inept. What is more important to you? Social events with strangers, or a warm family unit – because while your fiancé rejects the former, he’s embraced the latter wholeheartedly.

You seem to be more worried about appearances than you are about the important things in life, and for that reason I think it’s your own confidence at the root of these feelings.

A message from the Editor, Mark Waldron