DISH DETECTIVE SPECIAL: Where's the best food at Portsmouth's Commercial Road Christmas market?
But with Christmas fast approaching, this hustle and bustle is at its peak – bringing enough footfall to be confident I could go about my work incognito among the crowds.
Famous at this time of year are the destination’s festive stalls – collectively known as Portsmouth Christmas Market – boasting oodles of offerings from crafts and cards to food and drink.
Advertisement
Hide AdAdvertisement
Hide AdGiven the fact I wasn’t about to crunch my way through a bespoke bauble, the Schwenkgrill slap-bang outside Cascades seemed a solid place to go undercover once again.
This pop-up faux-German shack boasts an open-plan layout, centred around a big, swivelling grill above a platform of hot coals.
Four kinds of sausages are available, including the arguably now-pedestrian Bratwurst, but I settled on a spicy Krakauer to give my lunchtime a bit of a kick.
Service was blunt but swift, which didn’t disappoint me too much as the stall itself had next-to-no seating, so I wasn’t inclined to stick around for long.
Advertisement
Hide AdAdvertisement
Hide AdWhen the £4.50 Krakauer arrived, I couldn’t help but smile and let out a silent laugh in my head. My sausage was served half-bare in a meagre excuse for a bun – I almost felt embarrassed for it.
Perhaps I’d drawn the short straw and caught the vendors at the end of a loaf, or maybe they just wanted to make their meat look massive. Either way, the bun was not big enough.
But it’s the taste that counts, so I pressed on and took a much-anticipated first bite. Delicious. But I had one question. What spice?
Sadly, my attempt at a vaguely fiery lunch fell flat. As enjoyable as it was, the sausage packed little-to-no heat. It simply didn’t do what was promised on the tin. For that reason, £4.50 felt a little steep.
Advertisement
Hide AdAdvertisement
Hide AdMoving on, I meandered next door to the Alpine Bar. Its cheery staff greeted me with a friendly smile before taking my order of a hot chocolate.
It’s a very safe bet, admittedly, but a perfect winter warmer when it’s done right. I’m glad to say it was.
For £2, I received a reasonably-sized beverage topped with whipped cream, chocolate dust and half a Cadbury Flake.
With no need for sugar, this went down a treat as I sat at one of the bar’s multiple tables and watched the world go by – serenaded by gaudy Christmas tunes.
Advertisement
Hide AdAdvertisement
Hide AdIts confines were a warm and welcome respite from the pouring rain and packed walkways and, as I was informed by staff, you can even take your market-bought food into the bar.
I’m sure they would prefer it if you made a purchase when you got there, but the reassurance of being welcome saves the awkwardness of a typically British ‘these-seats-are-only-for-customers’ turf war.
If hot chocolate or a simple cuppa doesn’t tickle your fancy, you can be more adventurous than I was by opting for a Glühwein (German mulled wine) for £4, or a pint of Kalternberg lager for 50p more.
No doubt steep for some, not least the Dish Detective, but the latter can even be enjoyed in an £8 plastic stein – the perfect item of memorabilia if you can’t bear to lose those memories of boozing in a high street market.
Advertisement
Hide AdAdvertisement
Hide AdAs my assignment drew to a close, I picked up a few ‘German kisses’ for the road, from a stall of the same name.
At £1-a-piece, these yummy chocolate confections are effectively Tunnock’s teacakes on steroids – packed with sweetened foam from egg whites instead of marshmallow.
Given their size (and indeed potential mess when eating), I likened them more to a sickly-sweet snog than a gentle peck, but as I learned from my Krakauer half-an-hour earlier, the Germans go big.
I ate three of the cakes that afternoon – one cappuccino-flavoured, one coconut and one milk chocolate. They went down a treat.
Advertisement
Hide AdAdvertisement
Hide AdAll-in-all I enjoyed my time at Portsmouth Christmas Market. It’s not a spot I would leave the house solely to visit, but its stalls are a sound way to break up a Christmas shopping trip.
The Dish Detective features every Friday in The Guide, inside The News.
THE VERDICT
Food: 3.5
Ambience: 4
Value: 3
Child-friendly: 4