ZELLA COMPTON: On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me – a £12,500 Wedgwood house

If he'd traded down he would have had change for a cheeky kebab
If he'd traded down he would have had change for a cheeky kebab
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We’re on the cusp of advent calendar season, and what a season it could be.

I’ve heard of calendars with craft beers tucked inside, or mini cheeses, and of course the dodgy chocolates which we can all afford at the local newsagent’s for a quid. Yum. There’s no doubting the quality of that particular feast is there?

How can we choose plastic when we see what it’s doing to the oceans?

Then there are whisky calendars, and even beauty products. There’s a Wedgwood one, retailing at £12,500. Only three are made, and I couldn’t work out whether they’re sold out yet. Seriously, out of all the things I could spend £12,500 on, a Wedgewood house – however tiny and exquisite – is not on the top of my list.

But it’s not just Wedgwood that commands big bucks.

I found a website called Drinks by the Dram and can’t quite believe there’s a calendar there that costs £10,000 to simply tuck into a few rare malt whiskies. You could get trollied so many times over for that sum, and treat all your mates, and still have change left for a cheeky kebab. The taste might not be the same, but the experience would be greater.

This is why the internet is so dangerous. It offers glimpses into the worlds of superyacht owners and makes the rest of us realise that our day-to-day drudgery is never going to get us sitting around in tweeds sniffing thimblefuls of really old stuff.

On the bright side, many of these luxury calendars have only 12 doors, so even though you’re spending squillions of your hard-earned cash, you’re only getting half the fun you would from your door-a-day, cheap supermarket offering festooned in Disney marketing.

And how sad for the super-rich. It would appear none of their calendars comes with a cut-out mask on the back to surprise and delight the family.

If you did buy an advent calendar with tea, wine, socks or, of course, luxury chocolates, do you think it does for the whole family, or would everyone have to have their own?

The horror of the expense is giving me palpitations. Don’t get me wrong, good on those who have worked hard and can afford these things, as long as they’re paying their fair share of taxes and aren’t hiding them in an off-shore haven, or doing their best to circumvent our horrendously leaky system, I don’t begrudge them at all.

But I’m not going to be able to join them so I’m thinking about the reverse advent calendar, the one where you pop something in a box every day until Christmas and donate that to a food bank.

I rather like that idea, it somehow feels more in the spirit of Christmas than spending vast amounts of cash on a consumer Christmas with added un-affordable advents.

TRUMP CAUGHT OUT BY HIS OWN FAKE NEWS

This week Donald Trump’s got himself into a bit of trouble for claiming that Time magazine was considering making him man of the year and that he’d turned down the opportunity of a photo shoot, as the man of the year was only a ‘maybe’.

Seriously, why would you claim that kind of thing when you’ll get called out?

He surely realises that when he makes a statement, someone, somewhere will check out whether it’s true or not.

This week guess who checked out the statement?

That’ll be Time magazine, and Trump’s been called a liar, yet again.

It’s not hard, stick to the truth and you’ll be fine.

Continue to propagate your lies – fake news my eye – and you’ll be caught out.

WRAP MY ONIONS?! DON’T YOU WATCH BLUE PLANET?

I’m never going in the sea again. Who would welcome an apex predator? Look at the colours on those babies. That is disgusting. What the hell is that? Oh my God, that’s vile.

These are just a few of the comments which are greeting watching of the Blue Planet in our household.

How fabulous that such a fabulous show is entering the public consciousness, so much so that at Tesco when the cashier started to wrap my spring onions in yet more plastic I used the ultimate: ‘Don’t you watch Blue Planet?’

How can we choose plastic when we see what it’s doing to the oceans?

Stop while we can, or the next series will be Plastic Planet.