DEAR FIONA: My sister's success makes me feel like such a failure
Our agony aunt attempts to solve your problems
QUESTION: I wish I was more like my sister who is prettier and much cleverer than me.
I’m two years younger and she’s done so much more with her life. She has a great job, a wonderful fiance and lots of plans for her future.
I don’t resent her because she’s too kind for anyone to dislike her, but I do feel a failure when I compare my life with hers.
I’ve not kept a boyfriend for longer than six months and while I have no trouble making new friends, I can’t seem to hold on to them like she does. I’m 25 now, so you’d have thought I’d have got my life sorted.
FIONA SAYS: You seem to believe your sister has a perfect life but I’m sure, if you talked to her, you’d find that just like most of us she too has her worries, fears and problems.
Your biggest problem is your low self-image and you see the differences between you and your sister as your failures.
If you keep dwelling on all the ways you see yourself as a failure, it’s no wonder friends and boyfriends lose interest. There is only so much negativity anyone can take.
So, stop all this comparison and try to think well of yourself. Look at all the good things about you. In fact, ask your sister, you might be surprised.
QUESTION: My boyfriend and I have been going out for three years and although we talk about getting married, I’m really bored with him.
I’ve been on the look-out for someone else and am now attracted to a man I work with.
I know he’s married with kids, but he’s always chatting to me and walks me to the bus after work.
I really like him and would like him to be more interested in me as I’m sure we’d be perfect together.
FIONA SAYS: What are you asking me here?Do you want me to advise you on how to cheat on your boyfriend or to suggest ways you can break up a family?
Sorry, but I’m not prepared to offer you help with either of these options. Neither man deserves the cavalier treatment you seem prepared to dish out.
If your relationship is over, end it. It sounds like all you’re doing is stringing him along until someone better comes along.
If you want genuine happiness, forget about this married man. Married men with children usually struggle to leave their wives.
I’d venture to suggest that you’re better off on your own until you can learn to respect other people’s feelings.