DEAR FIONA: Will I ever get over the pain of my husband’s death?

Fiona is asked for advice from a grief-stricken widow
Fiona is asked for advice from a grief-stricken widow

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Q My husband and best friend of 30 years dropped dead in front of me and I don’t think I will ever get over it.

The post-mortem revealed that he had a condition that none of us knew about, and that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to save him. I was only 17 when I married him and he was my entire life. Now that he’s gone, I’m too scared to go out alone, so I just sit at home waiting for people to come and visit me. I know I can’t go on like this, but I’m so numb and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over his death.

A I’m so sorry for your traumatic loss. Right now, you’re hurting too much to know what to do or which way to turn, but there are clearly people around who care for you, so don’t be afraid to lean on them.

Unfortunately, I don’t think that you will ever get over losing someone you were this close to.

People often say that time heals all wounds, and while I don’t think that’s quite true, it certainly takes the edge off the pain.

You may need professional help. Call Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk) on 0808 808 1677.

Q My 14-year-old grandson’s behaviour is really getting out of hand and I’m sure it’s because his mum works away from home so much. She only really spends time with her family at weekends and I think it’s the reason why my grandson has now been cautioned by the police.

I know that, as her mother-in-law, I probably shouldn’t interfere, but my son is so worried. Should I say something to her? Personally, I think she should give up her job and spend more time at home with the children.

A I can understand your anxiety, but it really isn’t your place to speak to your daughter-in-law.

Rebellious behaviour is fairly normal for teens, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal for the police to be involved. Both your son and his wife are clearly struggling and some professional support might be in order – maybe you could suggest they contact Family Lives (familylives.org.uk)?

It sounds as if your daughter-in-law has quite a high-powered career, so perhaps it’s your son who should be giving up his job to spend more time with his son.