Don't be a prawn - be shellfish!

So my advice is to hoard any prawns you have.

The technical term for this is being shellfish selfish.

o Why do so many film posters use the tag line: ‘If you only see one movie this year, see this?’

One movie has just come out using that tag line but it is nearly November! Surely if you do only see one movie a year, the chances are that by the beginning of the 11th month of the year, you’ll have watched it already.

So the tag line should be: ‘If you see quite a few movies a year, this should definitely be one of them.’ 

o Apparently a thief in Northampton has been caught on camera apparently trying to make off with a Venetian blind by stuffing it down one trouser leg and up his jacket.

I have a bit of advice for you fella, if you want to nick a Venetian blind and don’t want to be recognised for stealing it, try nicking a roller blind at the same time and put it in front of your face.

o I have a new contender for the ′most upset face I’ve ever seen′ award.

It is the face pulled by a 12-year-old boy when he’s sat in a barber’s chair and his deeply unfashionable dad is telling the barber what sort of haircut he should give his son.

The look of disappointment in the lad is almost unquantifiable.

o Anyone else think the person who put honey and mustard together in a salad dressing is a genius for being able to combine two such opposing flavours yet making it tasty?

But it does make you wonder, if honey and mustard salad dressing contains honey and mustard, what does French dressing contain?

o I bought some poppadoms from a well-known supermarket the other day and they were described as ′Indian style′. Does anyone know if there’s any other kind?