My ex-wife is making it difficult for me to see my two children
Q Since my wife remarried I have been finding it more and more difficult to get to see our two children.
She often cancels visits at short notice because suddenly there is a birthday party, a swimming gala or other gathering that the children HAVE to go to.
She has remarried and I get on quite well with her new husband over the phone, but I’m wondering if she thinks that now the children have him in their life they no longer need me.
I am worried that she might be leading up to stopping me visiting altogether, but what can I do?
A While there is, of course, a chance that your wife may think the children don’t need you, it’s equally possible that she’s simply telling the truth.
School-age children do have a lot of ‘important’ things they want to do or have to attend.
My two always had a far more hectic social life than me and, some weekends, I hardly saw them at all - unless it was in the car to run them somewhere.
Your wife cannot arbitrarily stop you from ever seeing your children again though, unless she can establish (through the courts) that you are, in some way, unfit to be a parent.
From what you have said, this seems highly improbable, so I think you should try and discuss this issue with her and, perhaps, her new husband.
Don’t be confrontational about it, but instead look for ways to ‘catch up’ on visits if one is cancelled.
Hopefully you can work out an amicable arrangement, but if you can’t, you may have to resort to the courts to get them to review the original terms of access.
Q A few weeks back, my boyfriend and I had a furious row.
I was so angry with him that I went out with some of the girls from work; we went to a bar where I met a guy who I ended up sleeping with.
My boyfriend and I got back together a couple of days later, but I feel so guilty and ashamed because I know I was unfaithful to him.
I also feel pretty foolish because, whether you agree with what I did or not, sleeping around just isn’t safe these days.
I don’t want to tell my boyfriend as I think he would be very hurt, especially as it was ages after we first got together that I agreed to sleep with him.
A As you and your boyfriend had separated when you slept with this man – albeit briefly – then it’s debatable whether you were unfaithful or not.
You were certainly very foolish taking such a risk and you’re probably feeling guilty because you let yourself down as much, if not more, than you let down your boyfriend.
You have made a mistake and it is one that you may regret for a very long time but, frankly, I feel there is little to be gained by telling him about it. You’ll only make him feel bad too.
That does, however depend on whether (a) someone else is likely to tell him about it or (b) you have acquired an infection of any kind.
If that’s the case, then he’ll have to know – and better from you than someone else.
Get checked out at your local sexually-transmitted diseases clinic, to be sure. If you feel you need to talk to anyone, contact Relate (relate.org.uk) and discuss it with them.