A hospital open day? Think I’d rather watch Holby City

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On the way to work the other day, I noticed a big sign outside the Queen Alexandra Hospital at Cosham that was advertising an open day.

The first thing I thought was what sort of place is a hospital to be holding an open day?

It would be one of the last places I’d ever want to have a look around.

A brewery, yes. A farm, yes. Even a school. But a hospital?

They’re depressing places, full of the dead, dying and ill.

Apart from the birth of children, I can’t think of any good reasons to want to be in there.

And they’re not likely to have viewing platforms in the maternity suite, so Joe Public can watch the babies being popped out.

Instead you get a dummy that simulates birth – sounds the same as the terrible first aid courses you used to go on and everyone would swap germs when they gave it the kiss of life.

I admit it would be interesting if you could watch some surgery.

But that’s not going to happen, is it?

The public would get nowhere near that kind of thing.

The best you’d get is an empty operating theatre – you might as well watch Holby City!

So what can you actually do at the open day? I looked at the website and you can tour various departments.

A right barrel of laughs that would be.

‘Here on the left we have A&E – mind the blood and try to ignore the raving drunk currently being sick on the coffee machine.’

Apparently the open day allows you to see what the hospital has to offer.

But what difference does it make what it offers or doesn’t offer?

It’s not as if, when the ambulance is flying down Portsdown Hill, you can ask the driver to swing up the M27 instead because the beds are more comfortable in Winchester.

You go where they take you!

I’m told the open day is really popular and more spaces have been made available. So I guess there’s something I may have missed.

But until I can think what it is, I’ll stick to Holby City and my sofa, thanks.