There is a national shortage of men’s socks this week and that can only mean one thing – it was Father’s Day at the weekend.
I find buying gifts for men quite a stressful experience and when you have young children you have two dads to buy for, theirs and your own.
It’s not like us women who, in comparison, are a doddle! Like magpies, we pretty much love anything that is shiny or sparkles.
We also like things that smell nice or come in pretty bottles, things that have hearts, flowers or birds on them.
And of course, shoes.
Men, on the other hand, are much trickier. You want to get them something that shows how much they mean to you but there are only so many ‘World’s Best Dad’ T-shirts that one man can own.
If money was no object, or Carlsberg made Father’s Day presents, we would be buying you a speedboat, an Aston Martin or your favourite football team. As it is, just the six-pack of Carlsberg is more likely.
As dads go, you’ve probably already got a shed full of tools, you download all of your music and films, you rarely find time to read books, and those nasal clippers are still in the wrapper from last year.
If we were to follow tradition, you dads would be getting white or red roses – the original and official flower of Father’s Day. I bet those day-of-the-week socks aren’t looking so bad in comparison now, are they?
We do try our best to move away from the obvious – a new hammer; a brightly-coloured tie; golf balls or drill bits – but we also don’t want to get you gifts that will have the local charity shops rubbing their hands in gleeful anticipation.
Some of the most useless landfilling Father’s Day ideas I came across this year were a coffee cup so big that it holds 20 cups of coffee, a knuckle case for your iPhone and a power pooper scooper for picking up your doggy doodoo.
Of course, we know you love the gadgets. Anything that can open, paint or put up a shelf at the touch of a button is probably going to get you very excited.
If you did happen to find your loved ones had come into a few million quid you could find yourself unwrapping such gadgets as a Super Luxurious Toilet with touchscreen controls that warms your feet while playing you music and cleaning your behind with an adjustable spray.
You could also find yourself the proud owner of a magnetic floating bed, a dinosaur bone-infused iPad or a personal killer whale-shaped submarine and, if they really hit the jackpot, you could be flipping burgers on a 24 carat gold barbecue grill or shooting 30 feet into the air at 25 miles an hour courtesy of your very own JETLEV R200 Jet Pack.
Of course, you didn’t really want any of that stuff for Father’s Day – what you really wanted was to spend a nice day with your family, perhaps receive a homemade card or breakfast in bed and have some quality time with your children.