Blondie drummer becomes rock doc

It’s important the parade continues – but safely

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Clem Burke, the drummer in the band Blondie, has been made a ‘Doctor of Rock’ by the University of Gloucestershire, after taking part in a scientific project researching the physical effects of drumming.

It’s nice that a drummer has been given an academic qualification because they’re usually the butt of all musicians’ jokes for being so thick.

Here’s two of the best. How can a band tell if the stage they’ll be playing on is level? The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth. And how many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

Before their supposed split, Justin Bieber gave his girlfriend Selena Gomez a bottle of his own perfume as a present. Is that the meanest thing a super-rich pop star has ever done? It’s his own scent and he gets it for free and he gives it to his girlfriend?

I do sometimes think pop stars are mean. Remember when they used to go on Saturday morning TV shows and give away things like tour T-Shirts and albums to fans that would write or ring in. Well they got those free as well. So they were giving away stuff that never cost them a penny. How tight is that? Just for once I’d like to see a super-rich pop star give away something that cost them some of their own money, like one of their 20 cars or maybe some of their studio equipment or instruments. At least you know they cost them a few pounds.

John Lydon has complained that the National Trust did not seek his permission to use two Sex Pistols songs on an upcoming compilation. The CD, titled Never Mind the Dovecotes, features the tracks Anarchy in the UK and Pretty Vacant from the Pistols’ sole studio album.

Bruno Mars has admitted that it would be the ‘coolest thing ever’ to win the MTV Video Music Award for Best Choreography for his track The Lazy Song. He said ‘We worked really hard on it, and we wanted to give people something to laugh at and show personality in the song and what we’re talking about. The Lazy Song is not necessarily the song you want to hear in the club, but we put our monkey dance to it.’