Right then me ol’ china, let’s see what bargains we’ve got for you today.
They don’t call me Gentleman George for nuffink and I’m nuffink if not generous.
Maybe I’ve done such a good job selling you nuffink for summink that you actually fink you’re better off than you really are
Now you might take a gander at all these boxes ’ere and fink to yerself they’re empty.
’E’s tryna flog me an empty box sayin’ it’s worth a million, but I’m tellin’ yer I ain’t.
This ’ere’s a gen-u-ine Gentleman George Black Friday deal.
Deal? It’s a steal. And to carry on paraphrasing an associate of mine in Lock, Stock and Two Smokin’ Barrels, it’s the sale of the century.
So what am I offerin’ you today, gents and ladies? Well, what am I not offerin’ you today?
Yesterday you might have fort I wouldn’t be able to get you a police force, but today I ’ave.
I’m not going to take any of their money, coz they’re all right by me.
You might also ’ave fort I’d be away wiv yer tax credits ’n all.
But why’d I do that when I can let yer keep ’em for now and then universally shaft yer later?
Preeee-cisely. It’s all about the long game ’ere and meanwhile yours truly comes up smellin’ of roses.
It’s a funny old game this, but I tell you wot, the house always wins in the end. That’s just the way it is.
Fing is, we got ourselves in a little bit of trouble, let them bankers stuff it up royally and it’s the likes of you wot has got to pay the bill.
So you see I’d love to ’elp you, I really would.
But them books won’t balance ’emselves and someone’s gotta pay, ain’t they? Don’t answer that.
But I tell yer wot, if you were that brassic you wouldn’t be buying all them tellies down the market now, would ya?
Black Friday? I reckon it’s Minted Friday more like. ’Ave a word wiv yerselves.
Tell you wot, though, maybe I’ve done such a good job selling you nuffink for summink that you actually fink you’re better off than you really are.
Now that’s wot Generous George calls good business.