Check out your ears and you might be able to join my club

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Zella had a fantastic day at Titchfield Haven and wonders what other local gems she's overlooked      Picture: Gary Taw

ZELLA COMPTON: Looking afresh at our beautiful spot in the world

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Bad news. I appear to be suffering from auricular dystopia (though I have diagnosed myself using the wonders of the worldwide web, and that may be completely wrong).

In layman’s terms, one of my ears is higher than the other.

It’s taken me 42 years to notice, but now that I have I’m becoming somewhat obsessed.

My daughter has advised me to cover up this impediment, but I’m feeling quite proud of having minority status.

Except that I’m no longer a minority, because the more I look, the more I see lots of other ear dystopics, just like me.

In fact, most people are slightly unhinged.

Go check yourself out, you might be able to join my club.