Choccie-chomping chaps may find flavanols are not enough

COMMENT: All agencies must to held to account for Anne Savidge’s tragic death

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What’s better than a best friend? A best friend with chocolate!

Ninety-one per cent of Brit Babes scoff chocolate, but choccie-chomping chappies are on the increase, with 87 per cent of men now eating chocolate.

Ah, but are the fellas becoming closet chocoholics because they’ve heard on the cocoa-bean line there’s a new turbo-charged chocolate heading into town?

The world’s largest chocolate maker, Swiss-based Barry Callebaut, is said to be just weeks away from getting EU approval for its claim that the chocolate boosts health by increasing blood flow.

It’s been developed by using concentrated levels of key plant chemicals called flavanols.

These are found in cocoa beans, but are normally stripped out in the chocolate- making process.

And wait for it – increased blood flow to the little places that normal chocolate doesn’t reach could act like Viagra on the fellas.

Eee, what a scream. Folks, I had a vision of blokes scoffing mounds of chocolate in the hope of improving their rumpty-pumpty prowess in the boudoir.

Ah, but there’s a twist to the tale here.

Chapter five of The Sisterhood Guide to Surviving Men is entitled Chocolate.

You see, the Sisterhood knows the power of chocolate, to boost endorphins and give the feelgood factor.

But ask many a married woman to choose between sex with him indoors or chocolate and you’ll often get the swift answer: ‘I’ll have chocolate please.’

So, you choccie-chomping chappies may be thinking ‘whoopee, I’m on a promise here.’

Whereas your woman is thinking ‘just share the chocolate’.

And finally...I’m bored with The X Factor. It’s the final tonight and I really don’t care who wins.

I find the final three contestants, Jahmene, Christopher and James, so bland, darlings.

Okay, so all three have got good singing voices.

But even an old biddy like me likes her male pop stars to have a bit of ooomph and shake thar bootays, like Pitbull, Robbie Williams or even Tom Jones.

You know what? I reckon that those three X Factor finalists need a bit more sizzle in their sausages, dear.