CLIVE SMITH: Earth will still be here long after humans have gone

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Inspiration: Madeleine Shaw

LESLEY KEATING: Sugar-free for a year and I’m glowing

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It looks like everyone has got the hump with Trump again.

This time it’s over him pulling out of the Paris climate agreement, saying it was bad for America and bad for the environment.

The Paris accord is just another one of those ideas that seem great in principle, but everyone knows it’s never going to really work yet they’re still happy to throw money at it.

Well, Trump has decided that he’d rather spend the money on America instead.

Many European leaders are up in arms about it, no doubt worried about the effect of America’s missing billions.

Tech companies are also extremely annoyed about the decision. I’m sure it has nothing to do with renewable energy being one of their biggest areas of business.

TV reports broke the news like the world was coming to an abrupt end, we were all in danger of dying of severe sunburn and everyone in Portsmouth should flee to Portsdown Hill as the melting ice caps would kill polar bears and penguins and flood all low-lying coastal areas.

Once upon a time the UK was a tropical paradise where its inhabitants used to float about our sun-kissed shores on crocodile lilos without caring whether Neanderthal man would one day be freezing in an ice age.

Some time after, leaders of the Neanderthal world came together one day after they’d noticed their toes were thawing out and decided it was the campfires and woolly mammoths passing wind that was causing global warming.

For the sake of mankind, they said they should all sign an agreement on a cave wall to start culling mammoths with immediate effect and reduce emissions from all fires.

The world has always gone through periods of heating up and cooling down. At the moment it is warming up, so we should just accept this and start buying shares in suncream manufacturers and aviator sunglasses.

Getting rid of our cars and foraging for sticks and moss in the woods isn’t going to stop it.

The Earth will still be here long after humans have gone.

AIR FILLED WITH SMELL OF CHEAP BURGERS AND BAD VOCABULARY

The Aussies are well-known for throwing a few shrimps on the barbie and the Americans love cooking great lumps of meat outdoors.

But the roots of the Engish BBQ can be traced back to Peckham, London of all places. Apparently three pigs were cooked on a groundbreaking day in the early 1700s.

Now the nation loves a BBQ. It’s the only time I cook up a storm, unless the Mrs is out and I exist on a cheese toastie and an old Easter egg.

The sausages get burnt to within an inch of their lives and the kids get to spend most of their summer visiting the dentist.

It’s led to the air being filled with the smell of cheap Iceland burgers and bad vocabulary. Or maybe that’s just our house!

WHY DID ARYA’S PARENTS LET HIM EAT SUCH HUGE AMOUNTS?

According to the Global Hunger Index, there are 19 million malnourished people in the islands of Indonesia.

Meanwhile, Arya Somantri, the heaviest 10-year-old in the world, also happens to reside there – all 30 stone of him.

I guess we know where all the food has been going.

He’s been eating his way through five packets of instant noodles per day, washed down with litres of cola. He’s also eaten five meals a day consisting of rice, fish, beef, vegetable soup and Tempeh – a soy patty large enough to feed two adults.

Now Arya has had the size of his stomach reduced and his weight is falling.

But why on earth did his parents let him eat so much that he struggled to stand up or move around the house?