CLIVE SMITH: Hosepipe ban in Portsmouth? That would be outrageous

Imagine being asked to stop using something you've already paid for?

What will actually happen if some scumbag is caught watering his tomatoes? Is there some sort of plan to put these monsters on a register? It's ridiculous.

And imagine being the kind of person who peeps through a hole in the fence to gather evidence against your neighbour spraying his begonias. These are the sort of people who need to be on a register!

Any water company bringing in these bans is simply incompetent. There is plenty of rain at other times of the year. A lack of investment has resulted in this, not a lack of rain.

The big bosses and shareholders will still be paid their bonuses. Nice move from the water companies to divert blame from themselves to the consumer.

Profit margins of water companies are huge. I've got no problem with companies making money, I'm all for capitalism, but how about some investment before customers are asked to reduce their usage.

It's like paying for your electric, then being told you can only use two hobs.

Houses are being built all over the place so common sense tells you more water's being used. Yet no more water is stored. No new reservoirs.

If this weather continues celebrities in Africa will be holding fundraising events soon. They'll be wheeling out the Ethiopian version of Lenny Henry narrating a video of men and women stumbling about in Commercial Road with parched mouths and cracked lips, finishing with a scene of people slumped over the dried-up fountain. '˜Just £3 a month will provide these English people with much-needed drinking water.'

Just think, all this need not be a problem, if only we were an island surrounded by water, or even a country where it rained a lot. Oh, hang on a minute'¦

 

ELON MUSK: A MAN WITH AN OVER-INFLATED EGO

Imagine, you've just helped save 12 Thai schoolboys and their coach from flooded caves.

You've saved their lives, putting your own in danger at the same time.

Shortly after, you have a difference of opinion with someone on Twitter. He has more than 22 million followers and he calls you a '˜paedo'. 

Elon Musk of SpaceX and Telsa fame, the man who put that car into space, wanted to build a submarine to help save the kids.

The diver said no, he didn't need any help. So Musk got the hump.

Just what was Musk thinking? Something like:  '˜All these children have been saved without me. My over-inflated ego can't handle this, I know, let's redress the balance of things and call him a paedophile.'

Unreal isn't it?

 

TRUMP BABY BLIMP WAS NO MORE THAN A BOUNCY CASTLE

The expected protestors lined the streets to protest AT Trump's brief visit to the UK.

Leading up to the event there was much excitement about the '˜Trump baby blimp'. There was crowd-funding and huge media interest in the event.

But when it finally happened, it was like, what is that! It was no bigger than a bouncy castle. It was like those things you order on the internet that look great, bu when you unpack it its rubbish.

People afterwards claimed it flew over London. What rubbish. It didn't even make the treetops.

The way people had been going on I expected it to be casting a shadow over London like that massive space ship from Independence Day. Or flying through the air like Falkor from The Neverending Story.