CLIVE SMITH: Welcome to 1984 – where we destroy children’s friendships

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They say when America sneezes the UK catches a cold.

And it’s a pretty accurate saying, by all accounts.

Most of the stuff we ‘catch’ is nonsense though, none more so than the latest trend from America where some schools are dissuading pupils from having best friends – apparently to protect children’s feelings.

What utter rubbish!

We should be encouraging children to form friendships. I’ve still got friends from when I first went to playschool at four years old.

Friendships are an important part of growing up and life in general.

Who are these idiots who keep coming up with these stupid ideas?

Was there a job advertised which required all applicants to have an IQ lower than 40 and personal attributes that included ‘unable to live in the real world’?

And did they also require the candidates had the ability to think up ideas that could potentially ruin society?

I’ve got girls and I can tell you there’s hardly a day goes by when one of the group hasn’t fallen out with another.

By the amount of tears we’ve had over the years I can see how falling out with friends upsets them.

Despite this I can’t see any reason to stop them from making best friends, it’s part of growing up and developing.

It’s better to tell them they don’t have to be friends with everyone and they don’t always have to please everyone.

By putting the idea into a child’s head that it is wrong to have best friends you’ll only end up with a generation of young adults unable to interact or form relationships with other people.

We can’t put them in a bubble and let them go about like mindless drones, anti-social robots who don’t socialise or communicate with anyone else, in case someone takes offence.

Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall springs to mind here.

There’s no skipping, no conkers, no bulldog, no wagon wheel in your lunch box any more and now no friends.

It’s sad to think it’s okay to interfere with a child’s personal life in this way. It’s Orwellian in its nature.

Destroy friendships, destroy society.

Create a minister for loneliness. Rely on the state for everything.

Welcome to 1984.

JEANS FOR GENES

According to researchers at the University of Kent the Y chromosome may disappear.

The problem here is the Y chromosome dictates if a child will pop out a boy or girl.

A lack of Y chromosome will result in a girl being born.

But before feminists can start rejoicing that the days of man are at an end, it’s estimated to be five million years before this could happen and I’m not so sure our android masters won’t be bothered.

There’s plenty of theories banded about as to why this is happening – oestrogen in the water, the feminisation of men.

But I think everybody has missed the obvious here – men have dropped the Y gene for skinny jeans.

That’s where the problem lies.

DOING MY DUTY BY POLISHING OFF A TIN OF FAMILY CIRCLE BISCUITS

The diet has been put back until February.

How are you supposed to lose weight with the last remnants of Christmas food knocking about?

Everyone at the office is going to fat clubs, so they’ve bought in their tins of Family Circle biscuits and it’s down to good colleagues like myself to finish them off.

The trainers I bought a couple of years back are still in the wardrobe, I mistakenly thought it would be a good idea to shift a few pounds by pounding the streets – it was the worst 300m of my life!

But maybe I was doing it all wrong, apparently running with a smile makes it easier.

Like you can smile while trying not to be sick.