Cotton? No, all I need to get her is Ed Sheeran’s new album

Ewan McGregor  as Renton in Trainspotting - the gender neutral toilets Zella has visited are almost as grubby

ZELLA COMPTON: Men – just aim it in the right direction and we’ll all be happy!

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Where have the past two years gone? At the weekend we took baby Freddie and the dogs for our usual walk to the seafront via Stanley Park in Alverstoke, past the Alverbank Hotel.

It was then we realised our wedding anniversary was coming up.

Sarah seemed to suggest that my present was in the pram and needed changing. But I knew I’d have to think a little more about what to get her.

Drawing a blank, I turned to the good old internet for inspiration.

Who would have thought we celebrate the second anniversary with cotton, the flower lily and the gemstone garnet?

The only garnet I’ve ever heard of was called Alf.

Who came up with all these gift ideas for each year?

Was it a bunch of blokes down the pub, struggling for inspiration as to what to get their wives, who threw a few random, cheap objects out there to get them out of trouble?

Well, apparently not. Celebrating an anniversary with gifts that have a direct association with each stage of marriage is a German idea.

It was something Prince Albert introduced to the UK with Queen Victoria, along with the Christmas tree. Thanks Bertie!

Back in Victorian times, only the 1st, 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, 25th, 50th and 75th anniversaries were celebrated.

Then the Americans got involved. Just before the outbreak of the Second World War, the American Retail Jeweller Association introduced yearly gifts.

As with Halloween, the Yanks over-commercialise everything!

So enough of the fascinating facts – the question still remains. What do I buy Sarah for our second wedding anniversary?

If I’m going down the cotton route, would she appreciate a ‘My Husband Is The Best’ cotton T-shirt?

What about cotton his-and-hers face flannels? Boy am I struggling.

Am I trying too hard to be all romantic? I asked Sarah what she thought and told her of my findings.

She smiled sweetly and said ‘just get me the new Ed Sheeran album’.

Love her...