It’s that time of year when everyone else’s Facebook and social media fills up with claims of the Christmas shopping being done and pictures of homes looking very festive.
There are photos of baubled trees, tinselled mantelpieces and cakes of glory. Oh, and a hundred or so pictures of cat-proof trees. Like a dog never ever did anything naughty with the pine, or ate the tinsel, or stole the turkey.
If they can come in on a monthly or weekly basis, even better – and bring a dog groomer with them
Quite frankly I’m jealous as jealous can be, because a far as I’m concerned the festive season is still aeons away.
It will hit me around the face soon enough, but right now I’m in a bubble of denial.
Why? In my house, Christmas is a very delicate operation that involves so much pre-prep it’s hard to get myself started.
All the furniture in the kitchen has to be moved in order to make room for the tree. Not that I’m getting a big tree, but you know what it’s like when you have an open fire and plants and a sofa.
But moving of the furniture reveals the skirting boards in all their dirty glory. And hence comes the spring clean before the spring.
I blame the hound. The skirting boards were never that bad before we had the dog.
I clean and dry him in the porch after a muddy walk, but he still manages to drag his scrotty towel around the house and flick it over his head with slobbery joy when he knows I’m not looking.
Thus the dust settles hidden behind sideboards and sofas until the Christmas turnaround.
That’s the answer to why I put off Christmas as long as I possibly can – the grubbiness.
It’s also the same answer to what I want for Christmas – a cleaning service booked in for early December 2016. Ready to start the process.
If they can come in on a monthly or weekly basis, even better – and bring a dog groomer with them.
Another great gift would be to take the dog away for Christmas so we could get through the season without his rather annoying magpie hoarding of the baubles from the tree.
But then I remember. A dog isn’t just for the summer, it’s for Christmas too.