Dogs want meat, not bowls of salad leaves and radishes – Clive Smith

Hmmm, now which one shall I go for?
Hmmm, now which one shall I go for?
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Given the choice between a salad and a bit of meat a dog isn’t going to be eating lettuce leaves and radishes any time soon. So why have I been reading lately about the rise in the number of people feeding their dogs on vegan diets?

Now, I’ve watched plenty of David Attenborough and National Geographic programmes to know that wolves, coyotes and other wild dogs don’t stalk  north America looking for a   nice tasty prairie shrub.

Imagine this (insert Attenborough voice): ‘Wolves, these in northern Canada,  are the largest and most powerful in the world and they’re setting out to hunt.

‘The pack is 25 strong, a sign that the prey they’re seeking is formidable. The prairie shrub.

‘For generations wolves and shrubs have been  shaped by their battles together.’

It sounds ridiculous and that’s because the whole idea of making your dog eat a vegan die t is ridiculous .

I know you’ll occasionally see Rover  eating a bit of your lawn but that doesn’t mean he wants to be eating it every day.

He’s probably got bad guts or something. He will not have mad e some healthy eating life choice or suddenly turned into a hippy.

The whole veganism thing is getting out of hand at the moment.

 How long before we see vegan-only zoo s which you will be able to visit  to see tofu-eating tigers, fruit- eating snakes and polar bears who only like to dine on Greggs’  new vegan sausage rolls?

I  really couldn’t care less what anybody else  wants to eat, be they vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan.

P erhaps cannibalism is going too far but you might like to eat crickets and grasshoppers (my uncle hated them  when I bought him some for Christmas) but please don’t push it on to other people and don’t force your dog to eat it. The poor thing has  no t got a choice.

Maybe there will come a time when Rex will look down at his  dog bowl and think ‘that’s it I’ve had enough broccoli’  and turn on his owners.

 The media will be awash with stories of vegan dogs savaging  their owners.

What on earth does Casey eat to weigh in at 50 stones?

American bloater, 50-stones Casey King, has predicted he will ‘eat himself to death’ one day. Well, eat your heart out Nostradamus, I’d have never guessed.

But seriously, I know how he feels.

I’ve still got a mountain of mince pies and shortbread to eat from Christmas and Easter eggs are already on sale.

But wouldn’t you look at yourself when you got to 20, 30 or even 40 stones and come to the conclusion that a walk round the block and fewer pizzas every day might be a good idea?

I eat a lot of rubbish and am carrying a bit of extra timber, but what an earth must you be eating every day to get to that size?

Are hairy women the cause of the surge in divorce rate?

January sees a surge in the number of people wanting a divorce, with the first full Monday back after the Christmas break being dubbed ’divorce day’. It’s the day solicitors get most inquiries.

This could be to do with rubbish presents, as there were 13 people who actually filed for divorce on Christmas Day! Seems I got away with the ironing board and toaster.

But there could be another reason and that is ‘Januhairy’, a month-long campaign in which women are encouraged to grow out their body hair.

I know there’s a strong to push towards feminism lately which is all well and good but that doesn’t mean women have to walk around town looking like Chewbacca.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​