Don’t rely on useless utensils

Don't look to Steve's kitchen drawer for help.
Don't look to Steve's kitchen drawer for help.

NEWS COMMENT: If we want the police, we’ll have to pay for them

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Does anyone else use white pepper any more? You hardly ever see it and if you do use it is it ever kept in anything apart from those small plastic cylindrical tubs?

Black pepper can be kept in posh pepper mills, but never poor old white pepper. I say it’s time to bring it back to our dinner tables.

I say it’s time to bring white pepper back to our dinner tables.

nDo you know anyone who can do that thing where they fold a crisp packet up really small when sat at a table in a pub?

I find it weird that people absent-mindedly do that, but I’ve discovered another similar thing that people do when they’re eating out.

Some people absent-mindedly scrunch up napkins and try to squeeze them inside the empty cans of their drink.

nI was watching a bit of a film the other day, a thriller, can’t remember the title. But there was a scene in it where a man was attacked in his kitchen and he immediately went to the kitchen drawer and pulled out a sharp knife.

Now, what struck me about this was how he just managed to put his hand into the drawer and immediately grab a really sharp knife. Because I know what my kitchen cutlery drawer is like, and I reckon if I put my hand in there, a knife would be the last thing I’d pull out.

So, then I thought, what might be the most rubbish thing I could pull out of my kitchen cutlery drawer to defend myself with in the event of an attack?

So, I actually looked through my drawer and checked it out. That’s just how sad I am. So, here is my definitive top three of the worst things in my kitchen cutlery drawer with which to defend myself with. 

1. A hand whisk – one of those really small ones for whisking omelettes.

2. A plastic egg separator

3. A glazing brush. One of those soft brushes you use for glazing pie crusts with egg.

Without a doubt, these are the three most useless things in the kitchen cutlery drawer to defend yourself with.