Don’t try to navigate using a photo of someone’s back

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Despite still being slightly damp and shivery four days on from a Noah-esque Saturday, my number one highlight of this year’s Victorious Festival was Peter Hook and the Light (he of Joy Division and New Order fame).

Me and an encircling middle-aged enclave had a magnificent time belting out a (sadly very limited) number of tunes.

Who cares if I was sporting a wet rucksack and a dodgy, slightly-smelling-of-fish raincoat?

We were all slightly confused when Peter removed his shirt, seeing as he is of a certain age, but fair play to him – although the crowd might not have exactly been screaming to have it thrown at them, someone did catch said shirt and Hooky looked in far better shape than a good proportion of us revellers.

My second highlight was a DJ tent which may or may not have been named Swings And Beats. The festival layout became quite confusing for us early on as we didn’t buy a programme/lanyard and were instead working off a photograph which we snapped of someone wearing a Victorious t-shirt.

Carrying around a pic of someone else’s back to navigate through five or so stages/tents was about as helpful as holding a mackerel when your parachute doesn’t open.

The tent in question took me straight back to the early 1990s and the delight of turning up in a field in the middle of nowhere, or a grotty warehouse, and waving my arms in furious delight to amazing tunes.

Teenagers may think they know all about dropping the bass but, let me tell you, you’ve only really experienced it if you were partying in 1992.

My eldest daughter stood and watched askance as, along with 100 other people of more mature years, my arms went up in seeming rapture to the dance gods. And who cares if I was sporting a wet rucksack and a dodgy, slightly-smelling-of-fish raincoat?

The third highlight was a great chat on the way in with a security guard about not bringing in large picnics. He told me he was working at another festival where someone had emptied crisp packets and refilled them with cannabis to sell. That would certainly be an interesting new flavour for Gary Lineker to consider...