Driving course has taught me a lesson about plonkers

GOTCHA Cheryl was caught speeding ' and paid the price
GOTCHA Cheryl was caught speeding ' and paid the price
You might seen at A&E if you're a zombie from The Walking Dead...

CLIVE SMITH: More people in Portsmouth simply means even more problems

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Oh, it’s been a mix of highs and lows this week.

First and foremost, I had to attend a drivers’ awareness training course this week.

I know, how naughty of me. I got caught speeding and had to pay the price – and believe me I did.

Now, I am a strong believer in the philosophy ‘if you’ve done the crime, then do the time’, so please don’t think for one second that I am moaning about this.

But sitting in a class for three hours whilst you are talking about nothing other than the implications of speeding is... how can I put this? Tiring.

Add in the fact that I got sat next to the one person in the room who actually found it hilarious that he was there and you might be able to empathise with me.

I sat myself at the back, not wanting to particularly engage in meaningless chitter chatter with people I’ll (hopefully) not see again, when this scruffy 20-year-old walked in like something out of a Harry Enfield sketch.

He plonked himself down next to me and wanted to chat about how they’d caught me speeding, like it was really cool. I wanted to tell him to go away but I clearly couldn’t do that. And it went from bad to worse when – after continuing to talk over the trainers for three hours – he wanted to inform the whole group about how he thought it was possible to get away with speeding if you are following a police car. I wanted to shrivel up.

The matter wasn’t being helped by the fact there were pure butter shortbread biscuits directly behind me and I was trying, desperately, to be good.

Anyway, moving on and the next day I travelled to Essex where I spent the entire day at a hair and beauty salon where all the The Only Way Is Essex stars go for their treatments.

It was my first trip to Essex and an experience at that. I had a fish pedicure (a very odd and unusual experience to say the least) and I had my hair cut and my make-up done. Loved it!

I had a great time and it was just what I needed after my traumatic driver training session.

Needless to say, I watched my speed all the way there and all the way back.

Maybe the unruly guy was a ‘plant’ to encourage people never to return!