Suck it up! Chopsticks save me from vacuum of despair

But, despite the fact that Dysons are assembled in seconds with just a few clicks, offering even-the-cat-could-use-it simplicity, they’re blimmin’ difficult to empty.

Does anyone else have trouble or is it just me?

So much for ‘push the red trigger to eject the contents’.

Oh yeah? Well, my contents must be super-stubborn because they just don’t eject at all. They cling resolutely to the inside and completely refuse to leave.

No amount of plunging the red trigger, shaking it, swearing, or even having an entertaining nervous breakdown outside by the wheelie bin for all the neighbours to see, makes any damn difference.

However, I now have a solution.

I have taken to using those wooden chopsticks we get with Wagamama takeaways to scoop around frantically in an attempt to dislodge the ball of fluffy, hairy stuff that is entangled therein.

Today, amid much activity, I finally managed to empty the last bit into the outside bin by banging the container hard on the side, then poking with chopsticks before pulling the last bits out by hand.

And what do you think I got for all my efforts?

Yep. Covered in a snowstorm of grey dusty stuff. And it all looked so easy on the advert…

Its rival, the marvellously-named G-Tech Air Ram, claims to squish all the hoovered-up stuff into neat brickettes you just gaily chuck in the bin, I assume without the aid of Wagamama chopsticks, but who knows.

This sounds promising but I just can’t cope with its name – it sounds like something from a science fiction movie.

So, the Dyson stays and Wagamama’s sales rocket because I’ve told all my Dyson-owning friends about the magic chopstick trick.

Actually, Dyson should patent a wooden pokey-stick-thing to remove the fluff.

I might suggest it. I could clean up!

I feel as if I’m still sitting in luxurious Rocketman cinema

I rarely go to the cinema but the other evening our daughter booked us to see Rocketman, the Elton John biopic.

Instead of a soulless Vue she chose the Electric Cinema at Shoreditch. I expected something special as it’s owned by the Soho House Group but at first I wasn’t sure. The concrete edifice wouldn’t have looked out of place in post-war Beirut.

But once inside there was a vibrant café bar and downstairs was where the real magic happened. Instead of standard seats there were rows of velvet armchairs, cashmere wraps and little brass-and-marble tables for drinks. The most luxurious cinema experience ever.

It’s time High Street stores moved into the 21st century

I wonder how some High Street stores still survive. They’ve clearly been hit by online shopping in a cataclysmic way so they should offer something extra to survive not continue to trade as they did in the 1990s. The world’s a different place.

I’ve correctly predicted some casualties. Now I’m wondering about Dorothy Perkins, not least for its fusty name which conjures up the ’50s – and not in a good way.

Make stores more inviting. One local H&M has deplorable stock display with cramped, creased garments shoved on rails. And a Boots store has a grim window display comprising nothing more than cardboard banners and dead flies. Come on retailers, sort it out.