Fertilization success rates are all about hitting the right notes

Home closure will give residents some respite

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Hey snake, let’s wriggle.’

That chat-up line, according to my mum, was how the American servicemen would ask Pompey gals to dance at the Savoy Ballroom during the Second World War.

The Savoy Ballroom, by the way, was demolished years ago to make way for luxury seafront apartments (opposite the dilapidated South Parade Pier).

And years later the Savoy site is still just that, a barren building site, with no sign of any construction work.

Between the two of them, what should be the jewel in the crown of Southsea seafront, is an embarrassing eyesore to we Portmuthians.

So what made my aged goddess little grey cells think of a snake wriggling?

Easy! A wriggly sperm asking an egg to ‘dance’. No folks, I’m not cracking up.

I thought I’d fall off the Parker Knoll when I read the article on music assisted fertility treatment.

There was a picture of this cute kid, one-year-old Freddie, whose parents had been trying for four years with conventional IVF treatment with no joy.

So they sought help from the Institut Marques fertility clinic in Barcelona where they use ‘musical IVF’.

It appears that if you pop the sperm and an egg into a dish, into an incubator, and play music round the clock, there’s a five per cent increase in fertilization 
success rates.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s Madonna, Metallica or Mozart, that sperm and egg just dance down to business.

And finally....

‘One in six wives will not let their husbands see them naked.’ Well that national newspaper headline is enough to put you off your Coco Pops dear.

I mean, who gives a flying fig whether women let their husbands see them with their kit orf!

It seems online pharmacists UKMedix.com do.

Having commissioned a poll of 1,902, their research revealed one in six women don’t like exposing their wobbly bits, mainly due to lack of body confidence.

Why is it women who are under constant pressure to be body beautiful?

So UKMedix, what about a survey about how many beer-bellied, baggy backsided blokes are embarrassed to strip off in front of their wives.

Not many.