For crimes against fashion, we will have to plead guilty

Ewan McGregor  as Renton in Trainspotting - the gender neutral toilets Zella has visited are almost as grubby

ZELLA COMPTON: Men – just aim it in the right direction and we’ll all be happy!

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After a week in Italy, I’ve come to the conclusion that English males can’t hope to compete in the style stakes.

To Italian men it all seems so effortless, from the sunglasses to the suits and even the swimwear.

Heck, they can even look okay in a pair of budgie-smuggling Speedos that would get us laughed off the beach or out of the pool if we wore them.

Maybe it’s an attitude of mind. They believe they look cool and so they do.

Meanwhile the Brits walk round the sights or head for the sand with football shirts stretched over big bellies, those three-quarter length tracky bottoms and trainers or sandals worn with socks.

For crimes against fashion, we have no choice but to plead guilty.