Get rid of the posh flavours

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It has been revealed that the overall value of the UK crisps market has dropped by almost two per cent in the past year, as people switch to nachos and other more healthy snacks.

Here are three random ways I’ve come up with for crisp manufacturers to start increasing sales.

At the moment, smoky bacon crisps just taste of salt. If they tasted of smoke it might help

Firstly, cut down on the production of posh crisps that are too thick for us to break with our teeth.

They’re supposed to be ‘crisp’, not crunchy; hence the name.

Next, make bacon flavour crisps actually taste like bacon. Not many people can resist the smell and taste of proper bacon.

At the moment, smoky bacon crisps just taste of salt. If they tasted of smoke it might help.

And finally, get rid of posh flavours such as ‘sour cream and chive’ and ‘sea salt’.

Just call them ‘cheese and onion’ and ‘ready salted’. It’s just too confusing otherwise.

According to a new survey, the ritual of getting the teas in at the office is dying out because of the popularity of shop-bought coffees.

Not at Wave 105 though, where we even have an annual award for best tea-maker!

Forty-seven per cent of office staff now prefers cappuccinos or lattes from the local coffee shop and only one in three workplaces have a kettle for staff to make a brew, down from 44 per cent last year.

The decline in office tea-drinking is apparently down to longer working hours which have boosted the popularity of caffeine-rich coffee to keep workers going.

But, here’s the main reason why I think people are choosing shop-bought coffees over a work tea round.

If you disappear to the nearest coffee shop to get lattes and cappuccinos for your workmates, you can be gone for an hour-and-half.

And if you say you were queuing while waiting to be served, people will actually believe you and won’t think you were skiving off, which is actually what you are doing, isn’t it?