Happy, smiling gnomes make me feel quite uncomfortable

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Now that the Chelsea Flower Show is letting in gnomes, what does that mean for the rest of our gardens?

Will it be the new fashion? I’m not keen on gnomes, but I do have two grotesques peeping out from behind the lilies.

I wonder what it says about me that I prefer the hideous to the jovial?

There was, at one time, some reasoning behind my affinity to said statues.

It was something along the lines of me thinking they might deter the dog from peeing on strategic flowerbeds (I live in hope).

Even though I have the hideous, I do prefer them to those jolly fellows who make me feel more than a little uncomfortable.

You see, no-one has the right to be that happy.