How can I stop my mum spoiling my daughter: Advice column

Fiona Caine is a trained counsellor who is an expert on relationship advice.
Fiona Caine gives advice to a mother whose mother is spoiling her daughter.Fiona Caine gives advice to a mother whose mother is spoiling her daughter.
Fiona Caine gives advice to a mother whose mother is spoiling her daughter.

My mum helps me out by babysitting a couple of times a week so I can work part-time. But she's making it very difficult for me to bring up my daughter properly.

She spoils her and tries to take over whenever she's there at the same time as me. If I say ‘no’ about something, my daughter has already learned that if she asks Nana, it will be a ‘yes’.

She is turning her into a brat!

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Grandparents are notorious spoilers. With their own children they had to do the hard work, now they can just have fun.

You are going to have to accept she is going to want to indulge your child sometimes, but explain your concerns about behaviour.

Point out what a good job she did in bringing you up and tell her you want the same for your daughter.

Be willing to make some compromises but, if your mum refuses to listen to you and your needs, you may have to get tough, however hard that may be for you in terms of childcare.

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I was raped when I was 15 but I never told anyone and pretended to my mum I'd had a fall. I tried to forget about it but since I married 18 months ago, it's became obvious I haven't got over it.

Every time we try to have sex, I end up crying and I think my husband was at the point of leaving me. Somehow, I managed to tell him what happened, and he's been amazing. However, even though he's been really supportive, I'm still terrified of sex. I want my marriage to work as I love my husband.

I am so pleased you've managed to tell your husband, acknowledging what happened is a big step in overcoming it. I would strongly suggest you seek counselling to help you work through this.

With your husband’s kindness, support and encouragement, plus professional help, I really hope you get through this.

Rape Crisis will put you in touch with services that can help you in complete privacy. Go to rapecrisis.org.uk.