I became engrossed in text conversation on the train

Clive Smith is disgusted that a priest said he hopes Prince George grows up to be gay  Picture: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire

CLIVE SMITH: What decade is this out-of-touch priest living in?

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I’m in London at the moment working on a new TV programme for Channel Five.

I’m loving it – I mean, what’s not to like about watching movies all day and picking out your best bits?

The entire hour’s train ride was taken up by them discussing the benefits of being 40

That’s pretty much how my week has gone. I know, a match made in heaven, right?

You all know how much I hate the commute to London though. Actually hate is not a big enough word. More like despise.

But the problem is there really isn’t a lot of my kind of work in Portsmouth, which is a damn shame.

If there was I’d never have reason to grumble again. Well I probably still would, but I digress.

So I’ve been attempting to make the commute a bit better by seeing if driving to Petersfield and getting the train from there instead of leaving from Fratton makes any difference.

It’s the same amount of distance and time, so in theory not really. But I do prefer only being on the train for an hour, as opposed to an hour and 40 minutes.

Anyway, there I was midweek on my way home after a busy day when this lady came and sat next to me. Very attractive, very friendly and I’d say around late 30s, early 40s.

She was texting the entire duration of the journey and I’m not one to pry but I couldn’t help but look at one of the text exchanges which centred around the prospect of getting old.

I really didn’t mean to pry, honestly, and it was very rude of me, but I was engrossed in this text conversation between her and this guy called Ross.

The entire hour’s train ride was taken up by them discussing the benefits of being 40.

The highlights were as follows – not having to fly with a cheap airline (I’ll no doubt always have to fly budget), going to bed early and loving it (well who doesn’t?), not feeling like you have to wear high heels on a night out (erm...when you’re barely 5ft 4in you do) and not worrying about your ear hair (his worry, not hers, thankfully).

I got off the train feeling rather concerned about my future if all I have to look forward to is an early night and not flying EasyJet.